No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
