Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
