how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
