Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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