meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
