i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize