His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize