my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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