Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize