someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
