We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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