Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
