I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish i was in the wii world.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
