So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
In America we eat man semen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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