Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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