So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
