wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
