I'm going to jail i love you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize