Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
