She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
