i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize