I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
