So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
