I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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