alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
