Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
