Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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