That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
