Dual....:-)
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
