If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
