It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
