nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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