so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
