And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
