Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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