I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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