you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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