I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Someone signed my nipple.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
