Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
