It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize