FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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