Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
