Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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