you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
