I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
