Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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