life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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