what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
