just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize