Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
