how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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