do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
