Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
