Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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