Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
