Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need moral support for this bender
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
