YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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