I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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