Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
