I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
