He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
