You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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