Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
