Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
