Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
