Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
