omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
