Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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