i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
