there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
