There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am available for nakedness
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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