A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
